ESPN – Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett discussed his recent purchase of a tiger cub, which he hopes to bring to training camp, and his failed attempt to buy a monkey as well, in a radio interview Wednesday.
“Yeah, I’m serious, a little baby tiger,” he said. “It’s the coolest thing ever.”
Dockett also said he made an offer of $30,000 to buy a monkey but was rebuffed.
“The dude would not sell it. I offered him a price that the only other person who would offer him that much is probably Michael Jackson, rest in peace, but he wouldn’t even entertain my offer when it came to the monkey,” Dockett said.
He also detailed the plans he had for the monkey this season if his bid had been successful.
“Could you picture that on game days? I’m coming to the game, I have my monkey with me, he has my jersey on. … Think about it. After the game, the fans see me with the monkey, ticket sales go up, Dockett jersey sales go up. Why? Because they all want to see me with the monkey,” he said.
There is absolutely nothing about this story that surprises me. I would have been much more surprised if a story came out that Darnell Dockett was NOT looking to purchase some exotic animals.
The story that really intruiges me is, who is the bro who refused to sell “Skeeter” the monkey (Dynamite monkey name btw) to Darnell Dockett for $30,000? He must absolutely love that monkey to death, like my man would legit take a fucking bullet for Skeeter. 30k? you know what I would do for 30K? Pretty much anything. Not a whole lot you could convince me isn’t worth doing for that much money. Eat tapioca pudding out of John Daley’s butthole? How you doin, how you been, get me a bib and we’re in buisness.
This is the exact kind of monkey love that I need in my life, the kind that I pray to god on my knees for relentlessely every night before I pass out drunk. I need that ride or die monkey that monkey I can trust with my life. But fuck all this “dress my monkey in my jersey” business, my monkey will wear a tuxedo at all times, he has no say in the matter, 007 style, like a little Daniel Craig. Also, “Skeeter” is good and everything but which monkey wins in a fight between “Skeeter” and “Dr.Tumbles”? No contest.
So keep a hawks eye out for Dr. Tumbles and I just flexin at your local mall getting our little dicks sucked on.
And remember everybody Live Your Dream.
P.S. “Buddy” the Tiger cub. Not a bad plan B. Touche Darnell.